After being married for many years, we learn to live with our spouse and love them through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Through many arguments and discussions over the years we have learned to disagree and work through the problem. Often times we have used the four phases of problem solving to find a resolution to the problem. One of the biggest conflicts we have faced over the years was whether we should pack up our lives after being settled in one place longer than we have ever before and move to Florida or should we stay put and see what life had in store for us?
It all started about a year and a half ago, I was close to graduation from college and I was unsure what was next. We were living in Tennessee and my husband had a full time job as a Police Officer, we were raising our 2 wonderful children, and we had a home we had been working on for five years. I nonchalantly asked my husband on his opinion about moving to Florida, at the time he did not think it was a good idea. Step one, this was where the problem identification started (Whetten, Cameron, 2011) . I began to ask more and explain why I wanted to move. He had a valid argument that we had everything in Tennessee and I would work on finding a job after I returned home from Africa.
For the argument’s purpose, I was the instigator. Step two, we had to begin the solution generation because we had to figure out what we were going to do(Whetten, Cameron, 2011). I kept asking and pushing that we should move to Florida because I had a better chance of starting a career in Florida; I also have family who would help us with the girls. We lived in a very small town in Savannah, Tennessee and I was becoming frustrated and concerned I would waste four years of college and have nothing to show for it because I would not be able to find a job. Finally, I sat down with my husband and we drew up the pros and cons of moving. .
During our 2 month conflict about moving and discussing what we should do, we had to stop and think about our children and the impact it would have on them. The children played a huge role in the negotiation process, they were passive participants but were involved in determining the decision to move. After we spent months of conflict about what to do with our future, we finally decided we would move to Florida. Step three, we had to formulate a plan and reach an agreement (Whetten, Cameron, 2011). The final decision did not come easy because we were uprooting our lives again, which we said we would not do for a long time after our separation from the military, and moving 750 miles south.
The conflict was resolved when we were offered a place to live in Florida for affordable rent and we would be close to family. The final step to resolving the conflict between us was carrying out the move and letting life take us where we needed to be (Whetten, Cameron, 2011). When door’s began to open for us (a place to live, help packing and loading our home, new jobs), it became apparent the move was what we needed to do. It has been almost a year since we moved to Florida and we have struggled and questioned our decision to move a few time, however; never once have we blamed the other for the struggles of getting back on our feet.
Conflict between spouses can always use improvement but after 11 years together we have learned it is easier to talk through our conflicts in a peaceful manor verses yelling and screaming. I respect my spouse to listen to his side of the argument because I want to be heard as well. I realize not all conflicts with spouses, co-workers, and friends are easy to solve, nor do they always end well with relationships intact. However, it is important to fight fair if one is going to argue, not put the blame on the other person, each person is responsible for their own words and actions, and find a solution or common ground to settle one. If trying to work through a conflict with an individual and neither party is satisfied, having a mediator come to assist with finding a solution to the problem.
Whetten, D. A., & Cameron, K. S. (2011). Developing Self-Awareness. In Developing Managment Skills Eighth ed., pp. 3939-398). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education Inc.
